Zero Punctuation reviews Halo 3, brace yourselves

by Richard Mitchell { Oct 3rd 2007 at 4:15PM }

There really isn't much to say about Zero Punctuation's review of Halo 3. Suffice it to say this -- and this really applies to all ZP reviews -- if you like the game in question, prepare to disagree. Yeah, that's pretty much all we could come up with to introduce the video for which this post was written. Prepare yourself for a rapid-fire dissection of Halo 3. If you're among the millions of Halo fans out there, you should probably take your chill pill before you watch. Those of you simply waiting for the constant outpour of Halo-related news to cease should sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

[Via Evil Avatar]

Tags: bungie, bungie-studios, halo-3, halo-3-review, zero-punctuation

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Cody @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:21PM

those bastards...

BobTheMonkey @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:23PM

That was freaking hilarious.

Josh @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:25PM

While a horrible review, I have to say that video was absolutely brilliant. I tip my hat (Or I would, if I had one on) to these guys

Tony @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:26PM

These always leave me wondering if guy likes any video games that much.

WTangoFoxtrot @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:28PM

not such a great review but still hilarious !! darn aussies...:P

D. Axel @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:28PM

ROFL

Neil @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:30PM

That was LMAO hilarious!!!

wei @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:32PM

haha, that guy is hilarious. i loved the bioshock review, as well. though i love halo 3, his points are more than valid. why give a perfect score to a very imperfect game? then again, the multiplayer options more than make it for it for me. but since he doesn't care for mp, i guess he's a twat, as well! either way, it's always fun and refreshing to hear this dude trash the biggest releases once in a while

DjChad @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:32PM

Best...review...evar...

The vehicle AI part is so ridiculously true and makes everyone who claims the AI is so advanced sound absolutely retarded. I've yet to get into a vehicle with an AI driver and get from point A to point B without an extended period of rock humping.

Silver R. Wolfe @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:32PM

Just an FYI, he's not an aussie, he just lives there.

He's british and I agree with him on soo many levels.

Darayz @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:32PM

Someone should teach him to take a few breathes in between sentences. Maybe he would enjoy Halo 3 a bit more. Otherwise, good on you, Aussie.

Silver R. Wolfe @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:33PM

Though he did say that STALKER was better than Bioshock, which is just stupid.

SytheMaster @ Oct 4th 2007 4:04PM

How fast does that guy speak?

Michael C. Sherrin @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:35PM

I love these videoes. They are hilarious. I loved his Console War Rundown and Heavenly Sword videos. And finally we get some honest commentary on Halo 3 (I to have, dare I say, not played the first two).

******

Michael C. Sherrin
http://www.prodigeek.com/

RudyHuxtable @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:35PM

Now that is a good review. ha!

Robotheart @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:35PM

really, it doesnt matter if you agree or not with ZP, his reviews are always utter fucking genuis.

i disagreed with his bioshock review heavily, and then watched it 5 times and laughed more with each one.

"...An evil combination of hitler and skeletor that pisses pure malevolence.."

classic.

Casey Keller @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:39PM

i would say bioshock is a renter. no multiplayer. those australians just dont ilke multiplayer games becuase everyone who plays them is on the other side of the world and they lag to bad to enjoy them.

Adam @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:39PM

That's fantastic! Whilst these are obviously very tongue in cheek i wish more people would see how shockingly average H3 was as an INDIVIDUAL game, rather than the 'if u dnt liek teh haloz ur ghey!!1!' mentality that seems to spew out whenever it's mentioned anywhere...

And this is another small piece of proof why Brits and funnier than Americans ;-)

Tony @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:40PM

I would say the AI is great on average... but only for the enemies. Even outside of a vehicle, NPC teammates are completely useless in this game. I often find the Arbiter just standing in place.

Gemini Ace @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:40PM

ZP is just brilliant! His take on the Darkness and Bioshock was dead on!

JeremyK @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:41PM

Halo 3 is a fun game no doubt but it still is one of the more overrated series in a long time. Right up there with FF VII...

That being said Halo 3 campaign should be experienced in co-op to be fully appreciated...

Sam Brust @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:41PM

PREFACE: I love love love Halo 3!!! And am absolutely addicted to it.

Now, I think the video is downright hilarious and I actually agree to a great degree(Obviously, opinion based and not fact). I think we, as Halo FanBoys, as blinded by the awe and coolness that is Halo that we overlook and downplay the flaws in the game. From a technical standpoint I think GoW is a better game. Which one do I enjoy more? Halo. It is this all-encompassing being that Bungie and Microsoft have created that keeps us entranced by it. Kudos to them (no, not those kudos). In sort, I absolutely love the game, but I think that this guy is spot-on in his review.

John Mat Z @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:44PM

Satire and Irony are lost on the overly serious. The name of the video column is ZERO PUNCTUATION hence no pauses. I don't think he takes himself as seriously as some of the listeners took him. It is wonderfully funny.

dunnypop @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:43PM

the only way to appreciate Halo 3 is through multiplayer.
Co-op campaign is easy, but it's a lot of fun.

DiscoGhost @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:44PM

I agree w/ bioshock being a rental. I played it, beat it. Played it again to make sure I saved all little girls and got all achievements, then gave it away to my buddy. Of course it took me about a week and a half and the game was gorgeous, but there is absolutely no replay value in that game for me. I'll play halo for the next 5 years if a better shooter doesn't show up. That's what makes it the best.

Arno @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:45PM

Though I disagree, it's funny as hell. :)

grigdog @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:47PM

Terribly entertaining. ROFL. For those that don't care about multiplayer I would agree that the Solo Campaign is rather average, but MP is some fun, especially sticking a guy with the spike grenade, tee hee.

Etchasketchist @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:52PM

Is he ever going to actually like a game or is he just going to keep rocking the angry-contrarian schtick? I'd like to see him do a gushing rave about his favorite game. The "It-sucks-ism" that is so much a part of gamer culture is getting tedious. If I wanted smarty pants reviewers to tell me all my favorite stuff is actually derivative crap, I'd read indie rock blogs.

Scott @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:53PM

Brits are only funny because they don't know how to talk. How come every Brit I know sounds like a gay version of Hugh Grant? (I know thats an oxymoron)

Tiz @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:56PM

@27

Truth...

Mauricio @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:55PM

holy shit that was funny and spot on but i still like Teh Haloz.

dbol @ Oct 3rd 2007 4:57PM

that was really annoying to listen to.

Chain @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:00PM

That really got me laughing, some excellent entertainment. But I can't take it as a serious review when the bloke thinks S.T.A.L.K.E.R. > Bioshock > Halo 3.

Mauricio @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:02PM

Hey Scott, as crazy as it sounds, the English actually invented the english language which you speak so maybe its YOU that doesn't know how to speak the language. Yes its true the English people invented the English language. Zany, crazy stuff isnt it?

Easo @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:06PM

Fist let me say that I disagree with this review, and all of the flaws he point out were blown out of proportion. With that said.
LOL
That was funny, keep up the good work!!!

xenocidic @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:07PM

are there spoilers in the review? i haven't finished the campaign yet.

yuppy @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:12PM

i agree with much of it about the single player but if you dont give a @#$@# about multiplayer then I prolly dont give a @#$@ about your opinion........

singleplayer is too easy and kind of short.

still a triple a title. not a 10/10 though.

bhaarat316 @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:12PM

I liked the video it was funny, somethings did make sense like the diffuclty was up and down, the boss would not be that hard at all really. Like when fighting that guilty spark thing. 4 shots and you win, not to hard, on Normal. But to get to that point, would be pretty diffuclt, on Normal, and then the boss would not be a challenge. I thought it was a bit short, the first 2 took me more time to beat. I am satisfiyed with the game, but could have been better, then ending was so so, it was like the ending of Halo one where you race down with your Warthog, to the ship.

but i like the review it was funny, and some thing where true.

Cal @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:16PM

HAHAHAH..... He didnt play multiplayer, what an ass. Other than that funny vid. But Halo 3 still rocks.

Easo @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:16PM

Mauricio
I was under the impression that the anglo-saxons and the normans, to a lesser extent, (who were german and french people respectively) created the english language, but what the hell do i know. But i do have to agree with Scott. To us, all english people do sound like pompous gay ass holes (see Hugh Grant), but then again to you, all Americans sound like arrogant ignorant cowboys. But that's life :)

Edidid @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:18PM

Although he makes his points in an extreme way a lot of them ar valid.

I don't regret buying Halo 3, but the best way to describe it is as a solid FPS. It doesn't do anything OMFG amazing, but it doesn't do anything wrong either.

The biggest problem is the playlists and lack of multi-player custom search options. Its best feature is all the different game variants, but no real way to access them unless you have enough friends online at one exact time.

If you are the type who only really feels the need for a single FPS to play online Halo 3 is really the best option for the variety and lack of major issues, but it isn't a godsend either.

BananaBoat @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:21PM

NPC's are so bad that it's criminal. And I agree that grunts really needed to get replaced by enemies that were a bit less retarded. And he has a very good point about how it goes from fairly easy (first half or so of the game) to insanely hard (flood levels) and that there is no primer for the extra difficulty; It just drops you in there to get raped and pwned at will.

He's right though that if you don't like the Halo "lore" or the multiplayer, you won't be as thrilled with the game as all the insane "10/10!!!" reviewers were (I'm still convinced that microsoft payed them off). The game is average at best, and is actually a step back from Halo 2 in every way except for sound and graphics. It's a middling, average game that does NOTHING that ANY other game in history hasn't done before it, and better. *Spoilers ahoy* There being no final boss fight with Gravemind, or some sort of brute overlord, or something, is a massive letdown, moreso than the end (which I think is a cop-out *Oh he's not dead, lookie!!!* type of thing) although, after having played Halo 2, getting to kill Guilty Spark was AMAZING.

The biggest strike against Halo 3 is really that it is the end of Master Chief's saga, but you never get to know Master Chief, and arguably you never grow attached to him (although I suppose you get attached to Cortana). Any good game series leaves you with an attachment to the characters (in my opinion) and myself and others couldn't care less what happens to ANY of the characters in the series. I know bungie was going for that "He's silent, so you can imagine you are him" type of thing, but it doesn't work at all. I'm not a damn space marine. I think with all the hype, just like with Halo 2, Halo 3 couldn't have been anything but a letdown.

Edog Lost @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:23PM

SO GOOD. HAHA

It's nice that have someone talk $h!t on something you love.

I hope everyone here has been to the Sony Defense Force page. It's the same fresh kick to the balls.

Seroth @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:26PM

While I find Yahtzee's reviews pretty funny, his "OMG, VIDEO GAMES MUST BE ART" views are kinda irritating. Sure, it's all done tongue-in-cheek, but the elitist tone to his reviews just reminds me of an everyday Internet troll.

rv @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:31PM

He speaks the truth. Npcs are so retarded in this game it made me extremely angry. My favorite part was when my driver sat there for 5 seconds as a wraith fired. I saw the plasma leave the wraith, sit in the air, and finally land on me. The driver did not move the entire time! The last battle is a piece of shit. However, he really does need to try multiplayer. Its the most redeeming and deep quality of the game.

Odie @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:32PM

Hi
"And this is another small piece of proof why Brits and funnier than Americans ;-)"
--- It's not better, it's not worse ( I think )...It's just different

While no game will be perfect, nor will an AI, Nor will 'real' intelligence for that matter. 8-) I feel this bloke has let his opinions cloud his judgement. I'm all for opinions and he can have his but to say that H3 or any Halo is the same type of experience as something like BioShock is just ignorant.

It's funny that he sounds like he either has to make a huge dukey or is holding back a massive fart with all of that lack of pausing.

root @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:47PM

damn he's talking fast...
hardly understood 'bout 50%

:(

Grog140 @ Oct 3rd 2007 5:48PM

The guy in this review doesn't seem to enjoy any video game. They're either terrible, or mediocre.

Not to mention the fact that the more hype or popularity a game has, he intentionally fits in some insulting comments to the fans of said game. Which makes it obvious that his abundance of negative reviews are nothing but a stunt to gain more attention.