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Those of you who have Japanese PSN accounts will have your own private paradise on the PlayStation Network this week. Sony announced that a demo of Tecmo's Dead or Alive Paradise -- which is precisely the kind of game you'd want to try out by downloading, without having to make eye contact with anyone -- will be available for download in Japan this Friday, March 12.

We're now on the edge of our seats to find out which girls we'll get to interact with in the demo. Will it be the supposed martial artist with the ridiculous proportions, or the other one?

Frankly, we don't know why anyone wouldn't be satisfied with Kenshiro in North Star Musou, but Koei's seen fit to add a bit of a variety to the game's cast of characters. The above promo video spotted by the Koei Warriors site chronicles several other selectable karate people. The guy with the rocket launcher kinda threw us for a loop, though -- what good is a giant tube gun when everyone in the future is so easily exploded through poking?

[Thanks, Peter]

Tomonobu Itagaki has revealed, if not his new game, the place where he'll be making his new game: Valhalla Game Studios. In a Famitsu interview (translated by 1UP), the Dead or Alive creator announced that he is in charge of the development department for the new studio, created by Tecmo alum Satoshi Kanematsu.

The studio is staffed by about 50 people, a number Itagaki told Famitsu was intentional. "That may expand a bit, but it's not going to be a 100-person company," he said. "50 people working for two years can produce something better than 100 people working for one year. 100 times 1 and 50 times 2 may produce the same number, but not in creative businesses like this one." Larger, public companies, he said, "have to prove their worth to the stock market on a year-by-year basis, and that means they can't focus all-out on quality."

Whatever Itagaki's new game is, it won't be a fighter. For one thing, "I already made Dead or Alive, the best fighting game in the world, in my last company." Besides, he said, "Fighting games are kind of at another dead end right now" without another DOA-type disruption.

Tecmo Bowl Throwback was first revealed through a trusted Joystiq source back in January (and then subsequently popped up in an ESRB rating), so we weren't exactly thrown into a tizzy when Tecmo released the official announcement today. Throwback will be released on Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network this spring. As previously understood, the game will be a remake of the SNES's Tecmo Super Bowl and will feature an option to "switch to the classic 2D style."

Developed by seasoned remake studio Southend Interactive (Lode Runner, R-Type), the game's main new feature (aside from "all new 3D graphics," of course) is online play. Today's announcement additionally revealed Throwback will feature 32 teams and online leaderboards and customizable options for teams and rosters, and ... and ... whoa, whoa, it's almost like we're talking about a simulation football game here! Relax -- sorry about that. Try to cool down with the screenshots below.

Tecmo's Yoshinori Ueda says the upcoming PSP exclusive Dead or Alive: Paradise is not meant to be softcore porn, despite the game's not-so-subtle marketing line: "Paradise in the palm of your hand." DoA: Paradise director Ueda told Eurogamer that the game only intends to showcase beautiful women and the "beauty of their bodies," but was firm (stiff, even) that the game isn't meant to be degrading toward women.

Featuring bikini-clad mini-games and the ability to photograph the virtual "beauties" without fear of a restraining order, Dead or Alive: Paradise isn't a traditional game; however, Ueda says the game features a number of different activities to engorge entertain gamers. The goal, it seems, is to allow players to escape to some kind of magical world: "we hope that people playing the game will be able to come away with the feeling that they've visited paradise," Ueda said.

Sounds titillating, and in no way creepy or disgusting.

Finally, Tomonobu Itagaki can have a restful night of sleep in his sunglasses. The ongoing legal dispute between the Dead or Alive creator and former employer Tecmo, over unpaid salary and bonuses, has ended in a settlement. Itagaki announced the resolution of the dispute in a public statement.

Itagaki didn't specify the terms, but we can only imagine a copy of Dead or Alive Paradise was involved. "How could I resist?" we imagine him saying, "It's my own private paradise, in the palm of my hand!"

As for things Itagaki actually said, the statement (per Andriasang's translation) revealed that he's working on something new: "I cannot wait for the day when I can announce to everyone the new title that I'm currently conceiving." Itagaki's aiming for "world class entertainment" with "a greater depth of play than before."

Here's some refreshing news: Tecmo announced the release date for a handheld game whose existence isn't totally humiliating: the supernatural murder mystery Again for DS. The publisher gave a specific day to its former March release date: March 30.

In addition to the date, Tecmo provided some more evidence of Again's gameplay in the form of a trailer. Fans of Rorschach tests, full-motion video and, particularly, totally intense headache pantomime would do well to have a look. Seriously, this trailer contains the most intense fake headache we've seen in the game.

Three very different games on Xbox Live Arcade this week, gang. We've got the turn-based strategy of Greed Corp (800 / $10), the reverse platforming of Lazy Raiders (800 / $10) and the ... guitar-controlled platforming of Fret Nice (1200 / $15). Okay, so both Lazy Raiders and Fret Nice are basically platformers, but they're definitely different. Watch all the games in action in today's XBLA in Brief.

Shortcut: Download the trial version of Greed Corp [via Xbox.com]
Shortcut: Download the trial version of Lazy Raiders [via Xbox.com]
Shortcut: Download the trial version of Fret Nice [via Xbox.com]

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PS3 owners have had access to Pieces Interactive's Fret Nice since February 4, leaving Xbox 360 owners nothing to do with their guitar controllers but play rhythm games. According to an announcement from Major Nelson, those Xbox 360 guitarists will be able to experience Fret Nice's new type of guitar heroism this Wednesday, Feb. 24, at a cost of 1,200 ($15).

Fret Nice uses both the buttons and the tilt function of guitar controllers to move members of the Vibrant Chordblasters, as they fight against Hair Bängers by jumping into the air and playing riffs corresponding to the number of eyes on the enemies.

Major Nelson also confirmed to Joystiq that both Greed Corp and Lazy Raiders will be out this week, despite not appearing in the official announcement. You'll be able to get lazy and greedy this week, in addition to nice!

It seems that, once again, our anonymous tipster was right on the money. The ESRB recently rated Tecmo Bowl Throwback for the PSN and XBLA platforms, describing it as a "top-down arcade-style football game in which players compete against teams around the country to become the 'Tecmo Bowl Champion.'" Though the game earned an "E" rating, the listing mentions "cheerleaders wearing low-cut tops" and "a 2D swimsuit model with some exposed cleavage." How positively scandalous!

Surprisingly, the ESRB listing doesn't mention a twelve-foot-tall, cybernetic Bo Jackson who causes every player who thinks about tackling him to explode in a fountain of gore. So, we're guessing that feature isn't getting ported over from the original game.

This past week may have been filled with investor calls and press events, but that doesn't mean that some members of the game industry weren't thinking about this weekend's day of love. Over the course of the past seven days, we were either sent these cards (by email) or found them on the various official sites of said developers/publishers -- and now we've compiled them into a love-filled gallery just for you. We might suggest you print out one (on high quality paper, of course) and give it to your dearest, but hey, let's be honest -- you should probably buy an actual card. And a copy of Flower. Hitomi demands digital gifts!

You're welcome to enjoy your own private paradise in the palm of your hand with Tecmo's Dead or Alive Paradise. Just be aware that some people find the game's content a bit creepy. Including the person who wrote the content description for the ESRB.

"This is a video game in which users watch grown women dressed in G-string bikinis jiggle their breasts while on a two-week vacation," the ESRB description reads. "Women's breasts and butts will sway while playing volleyball, while hopping across cushions, while pole dancing, while posing on the ground, by the pool, on the beach, in front of the camera."

We could quote this whole thing (and we will, after the break), but we really wanted to call your attention to this part: "Parents and consumers should know that the game contains a fair amount of "cheesy," and at times, creepy voyeurism," the ESRB notes with the most open disapproval we've ever seen in one of these things. It continues, "but the game also contains bizarre, misguided notions of what women really want (if given two weeks, paid vacation, island resort)-Paradise cannot mean straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs." This is the most entertaining ESRB rating ever. Why isn't whoever writes these things ever this upset about graphic violence?

[Update: The ESRB has informed us that a new version, without the "subjective language," has been uploaded to the ratings board's site.]

Tecmo Koei has announced that it's lowering its annual operating profit forecast (essentially its guess for how much profit it will bring in before taxes) by a painful 95%. In addition, stock fell 9.5% to 630 yen ($7).

This comes after the announcement of disappointing third-quarter losses (PDF link) totaling 1.842 billion yen ($20.4 million), and after the announcement that two high-profile games, Quantum Theory and Trinity: Zill O'll Zero, have been delayed, thus eliminating whatever they would have contributed to the current fiscal year. Now it's all up to Dead or Alive: Paradise and the Western releases of Monster Rancher DS and Again.

Source [PDF]

Let's be honest: You're not thinking about getting Dead or Alive Paradise for the intuitive volleyball mechanics or the scenic, beach-front battles -- this game lacks both. You're buying this game because you want to ogle fake women with comically large and bouncy breasts. Or, according to Tecmo, you're buying this because you're a woman who has never purchased a Tecmo title before and this is something relevant to your interests. Either way, the company's hoping you'll want to pay extra for a special edition bundle of the "game."

Game Watch points out the extra busty package set to release in Japan -- complete with inappropriate Kasumi statue add-on and several other items, including a "Secret Picture Collection" and soundtrack CD. It's like a one-man pity party start-up kit. Are you guys getting it yet? Wanting this makes you a pervert.

There's no word on whether this'll make its way over to the States when the game releases in March, but we'll be sure to let you know.

Japanese gamers get to experience the joy of Excitebike with a different camera angle and online play today, with the release of Excitebike World Rally (as "Excitebike World Race"). It's a pretty faithful adaptation of the original, something that can't be said for Tecmo's Are? DS ga Sakasa Desu Kedo: Gyaku Shooting, a shooter with elements of its own Star Force, but played from the other side -- and with the DS upside down. Using the DS's touch screen, players control the enemies firing downward at what is usually the player ship. DS ga Sakasa Desu Kedo: Sakasa Drops takes the same approach and applies it to a falling-block puzzle game. Check out a trailer for Shooting after the break.

• Quarth (MSX, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points)
• Contra (MSX, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points)
• Excitebike World Race (WiiWare, 1-4 players, 1,000 Wii Points)
• Are? DS ga Sakasa Desu Kedo: Gyaku Shooting (DSiWare, 1 player, 200 DSi Points)
• Are? DS ga Sakasa Desu Kedo: Sakasa Drops (DSiWare, 1 player, 200 DSi Points)
• Artist ni Narou! Minna no Nurikai Museum Hen (DSiWare, 1-2 players, 500 DSi Points)
• Hobonichi Rosenzu 2010 (DSiWare, 1 player, 500 DSi Points)
• Renjuku Kanji: Shougaku Sannensei (DSiWare, 1 player, 500 DSi Points)